You are what you... worship

Hey everyone! I have had a tremendous week. God apparently wasn’t finished with my previous blog… Last time, I shared with you all what God has been teaching me in the midst of this time of growth in my life: that confounded word we call “patience.” Well, consider this blog to be the sequel to that message…

After writing the blog, I really felt convicted. By that, I mean I knew that I had to live out the words and not just write them! I felt God whisper to me, “Alyssa, as long as you’re here, I need you to really be here.” I had to commit to being here. How many people out there know that you can be waiting patiently for something and, in the midst of it all, completely lose the place wherein you find yourself waiting? For example, if we go back to the dentist’s office, you can be so busy waiting for your appointment that you are completely oblivious to everyone else in the waiting room. Right? Well, God was convicting me of doing just that.

What do you suppose my response was? “Oh, yes, Lord, may it be! Oh, might we read the Holy Book with our neighbors?!” Are you kidding me? Like a beacon of righteousness, here was my prayer: “OK God, but I want furniture. I can’t feel like I’m committed here if my house is completely empty and I’m still sitting on tile floor to practice my guitar.” Wow. I know, guys—my spirituality is so flawless it can be rather suffocating at times. Haha! Now, here comes the interesting part: What do you think God’s response was?

Your answer to this question will reveal much about the God you worship. In one of my daily readings from this week, I found the most fascinating scripture. In the midst of the story of Israel’s downfall under a series of wicked kings, the Holy Spirit left a commentary on what was really happening to the people: “They followed worthless idols and themselves became worthless” (from 2 Kings 17:15). In other words, the people became like the object of their worship. Their idols were useless and could do nothing to save them from attacking armies; likewise, the Israelites found themselves completely outmanned in battle. They served gods of sexual immorality and drunkenness—what do you think became their new favorite pastimes? At base level, the image of God you carry will define who you are. You will without fail become like whatever god it is that you worship. Have you ever noticed that people who worship money—greed—seem to spend the majority of their time preoccupied and anxious about their perceived wealth?  It makes sense: if your god is the Hoarder, the One Who Must Possess All of the Wealth, then your anxiety about whether or not you have enough wealth is the appropriate act of worship. Am I making sense here?

 So I ask you again, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of someone like Yours Truly here asking God for furniture?

I can tell you mine… I thought, Well, I know that nothing is too small or big for you, but… and I came up with justifications for why God might not want me to have any furniture right now. I’m just being honest with you here. Do you serve a God who gives gifts to His children? In Matthew chapter 6, we read, “’But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’” Now, I know that you know that I know that you know that this verse follows Jesus’ commentary on clothing, food and all that “basic stuff”—but how often to we read this and believe that the provision being promised is somehow still spiritual? Do you really believe that God will give you clothing? Do you, at your gut level, worship a God who knows what size pants you wear and what your favorite color is? Think about that one for a second.

We are so quick to get lost in some mystical world of seeking the “kingdom” and “righteousness”—both of which are words that are horribly misunderstood by the Church today—that we shove God’s provision into some strange Never Never Land where we claim to believe that He’s going to take care of us, but we also have a thousand ready-made excuses if He doesn’t. Let me take a moment and show you what that “god” looks like: He’s distant, and if He ever figures out that you’re in need, He’ll be so frustrated about having to get off the couch and hand you your pittance for the week that He’ll probably make the Holy Spirit remind you that Jesus died for your sins in a desperate attempt to guilt trip you into not asking for anything ever again. Am I ringing any bells here? How many people feel like you shouldn’t ask God for physical things because He’s a Spirit—that is, he doesn’t really care about your physical needs because he wants you to have “spiritual” things. How many people also know that you can’t eat righteousness and you cannot wear patience? You can be a naked, hungry and “holy” person, can you not? Why are we so afraid to take God at His word?

That Scripture verse I just mentioned says “ALL THESE THINGS” will be given. It doesn’t say, “only holy things,” or “once you’ve one-upped Billy Graham,” or “only if you ask for things without really wanting them because you don’t think you’re allowed to have them so neither of us is really sure why you’re bothering to ask.” It says plainly, “all these things” will be given when you will “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness”. That is, give God the first priority in your life and you won’t have to worry about anything—ever! It doesn’t say “once you’ve found and obtained righteousness” or “once you’re a perfect citizen of the kingdom.” Jesus was talking to uneducated fisherman and a lot of rather plain people when he spoke. These weren’t monks secluded in the mountains or pastors with a full staff of people. These were men and women who were going to have to go about their day like everyone else, whose hands were tired when they got home from work, and who were hungry at lunch time.

Now, let me tell you the Truth. Let me tell you how my God responded to my prayer. Whoever we may think we worship, only God is God. He is faithful and true, and He loves His children and wants to provide for their every need.

The other day, I showed up at my house and found a man with an entire truckload of furniture waiting. “These are for you,” was what he told me. I had never seen that guy before in my life. After everything was loaded into the house, he took a look around and said, “You know, I’ve got some more furniture back at my shop. I’ll be back in a minute.” I only half believed him. I was still pretty stunned at the desk, sofa, and two chairs he had just loaded into my house. Well, the guy did come back—with a leather living room set! Good grief! I have a fully furnished house, the unspeakable blessing of my Father. God is not merely interested in the “spiritual stuff.” He wants to provide everything for you. God wants to take care of you. He longs to be compassionate toward you. I have a living room set to prove it! That was no coincidence. It was not just “my luck.” He sent some person I’d never met to my door to deliver furniture just because God loves me.

Again, ask yourself: Who do I worship? Often, your knee-jerk reaction in hard times will reveal this more clearly than anything. When you suddenly find yourself in great need, what thoughts come to your mind about the character of God? I can tell you that if you worship anyone other than the God who revealed himself in the Word, there will be some obvious indicators: anxiety, fear, anger, bitterness… perhaps statements like, “Oh, great, now this,” or “with my luck, it’ll only get worse.” Remember: we become like whatever we worship. What if sudden crises were met with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control? If you serve the Prince of Peace, is anxiety an appropriate offering? If you serve the God who is Love, does fear have any place in your heart? You will worship something; humanity is hard-wired to worship. What do we worship with bitterness? With hopelessness? To whom are we bringing an offering of anger? I will tell you that those offerings aren’t going to our Lord and Savior.

Now let me take a moment to declare that I don’t have this all figured out! I am no more perfect at this than anyone. If you have read this and thought, “Man, God just does crazy things for her. I wish He would give me what I need,” then I will have utterly failed. My prayer with this blog is that you will begin to question the deepest parts of your spirit. I pray that the Spirit will stir inside of you a longing for a deeper revelation of Himself. Don’t read the Bible trying to “figure God out”—read it asking God to reveal Himself to you as only He can know Himself to be.  I’m sure all of us need to repent of becoming like the worthless things we worship, but that’s not the point here. God wants you to know who He really is; He wants you to learn to worship Him. You can’t be like God if you aren’t worshiping Him.

There is power in what God’s children declare. If you declare Truth in situations (i.e., “God will provide my every need,” or “God will bless me today no matter what I may be seeing right now,”), you change everything and eternity will feel the ripple effect. In the same way, if you hold on to your current mindset and declare lies, you will also change everything. Who are you worshiping when you roll out of bed and say, “Today is going to suck”? To whose altar are you bringing the offering of “I’ll never get out of this one”? Who is edified by your anxiety? Have you ever noticed how when you say, “This ­­________ will just never change,” it never changes? That’s not a coincidence. That’s the fruit of a declaration made in the power of a child of God.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, let us keep our minds set on the true God. Not as we know Him, but as He knows Himself to be. Let us speak Truth into this world and, in the mosaic of words we create each day, let us create beauty and not destroy it. Let us become more like God by worshipping him. Let us take Him at His word and believe that He really will come through for us—for anything from furniture to rent money to gas for the car.

God bless!

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Timing is Everything

1 Peter 5:6

“Humble yourselves, therefore,

under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

Psalm 37:7a

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him”

Time.

Oh, blessed Time.

Do you ever wish that those old drawings of Father Time were true? Because then at least we would know that He’s probably going to die soon, or at the very least he could be killed. And we could take over! No? Well, perhaps I am the only one to think that way. I’ll bet, however, that in terms of how the average person lives his or her life on a day-by-day basis, we actually do feel the same way.

Impatience is practically force-fed to any member of Western Society from the moment he or she is given a bottle. We treat time like currency, only instead of dollars, pennies, and savings accounts we try to put a value on the moments that make up our lives. We describe things in that way, too: “a quarter of an hour,” “the better part of my afternoon” (meaning a large chunk of my time), and of course “free time”—what on earth does that mean? What if I asked you for a quarter of an hour? Could you actually cut the thing apart and hand me fifteen minutes? Can I put those fifteen minutes in my pocked and save them for later?

Think about it! Don’t feel guilty if something inside of you is resonating with this—it is ingrained into our very language and culture. Work is designed to occupy a set amount of time of our lives: think of the “nine to five” people out there. What we mean is that from the set time of nine in the morning until five o’clock in the afternoon, that person will be at such and such a place, doing such and such a thing; we disregard the fact that from 5:01 pm until 8:59 am, that person will still be at some place, doing some thing—it will just be a different place and a different thing. Do you see where I’m going with this? We need to completely overhaul the way in which we perceive time.

In this case, I am very much speaking to you from personal experience. And I can say that as long as you think of time from the viewpoint of the definition you were given from society (and therefore, Fallen Man), you will forever be at odds with God’s timing. And never was there a time when it was more critical for people to hold on to God’s time for dear life. We are so oppressed by the expectations of time placed upon us by our society. Our cell phones are more often used as clocks than a way to talk to loved ones, we have cars that can actually speak what time it is to us, we have laptops with built-in calendars that can interrupt something so sacred as Solitaire to remind us of something for which we’re late—it’s not hard to see why we are so stressed out, and why we writhe in agony when God starts up about “patience.”

Let me share with you a very strange discovery I made recently. That verse I put at the beginning from Psalm 37 contains an interesting word. It is translated there as “wait patiently,” but here’s the literal meaning from the Hebrew: “to swirl, turn, fall, dance; to wait; to dance (the round dance); to wait patiently; to swirl down; in some contexts this refers to a whirlwind—swirling down.” I’m serious! Check a Strong’s if you don’t believe me. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I think of “wait patiently,” the first image that comes to mind is not someone dancing a jig. I think of annoyed children in dentists’ waiting rooms, ready to tear the crinkled pages of “Good Housekeeping” apart out of sheer boredom. God’s definition of patience, it seems, is slightly different from our own.

When I got to thinking about it, it began to make perfect sense. God showed me an image of a dancer—that is, someone training for a performance.  If you’ve never had to learn a specific choreography, let me tell you: You spend a lot more time counting out the rhythm than dancing it! You may go over the same 16 measures a hundred times before you move on to the next part of the song. It takes patience to truly dance. Supposing said dancer got impatient and decided to do things her own way. What if she tried to do a step to “her own rhythm” or a combination out of order, or wanted to take the stage before she had taken the time to learn the ins and outs of the song?

That is what I believe the verse is talking about. That we are to “be still,” not in the sense of a kid in a dentist’s office, but in the way that we would say, “Relax!” to a friend in a stressful moment. Calm down. Dance in step with God’s timing. He is the choreographer, and it is His music. The choice is yours as to whether or not you will allow Him to teach you the steps. You can try to do it in your own way, making your 3/4 steps in the midst of His 4/4 song, but you will cheat yourself in the end! You see, God is not a malicious spirit waiting to take away your dreams. He longs to show you off. Was that not his plan with the nation of Israel? Are the saints of the New Testament not referred to as a “city on a hill” which “cannot be hidden”?

Don’t worry. God wants you to take the stage. He wants you to have the performance of a lifetime—for all of your life’s time. But you have to learn the dance! If you will not put in time in the secret place with God, where do you think you’ll learn the steps?

I love that the picture of the dance in this verse is a swirling, falling whirlwind. We’re not talking about a Russian school of ballet here where people are beaten for missteps. God knows that this is a learning process, that there will be missteps and mistakes. And he still holds out His hand to you. There is something wild, unstructured, and almost frustrating about dancing with God. There is no rulebook you can turn to for step-by-step formulas, no “Idiot’s Guide,” and no YouTube instructional videos. Only God.  You must learn to follow His lead, to become sensitive to His guidance, to anticipate His moving. That is something you can only learn by spending time with God.

Does that not change the way you think of waiting? It does for me, anyway.

However, to be honest, I still find myself struggling with this issue. Remember that other verse I put at the beginning? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

In

Due

Time.

Ugh. I hate those three words! Now, we have it established that God does indeed want us to take the stage, yes? God is training us to dance according to His time, but now we have another kind of “time”—the awaited moment rather than the process of arriving. This is the trickier of the two, at least for me. This is where we get into the “are we there yet???” moments of life.  Waiting is one thing… But trusting that God’s not waiting too long to do “that thing He said he would” is different. We can wait for a dentist we’ve never met; to trust that he’s not back there drinking coffee while we witness the demise of an issue of “Good Housekeeping” is another thing altogether.

For me, one standing on the finite ruler that is Time, things seem so important. I sometimes catch myself thinking things like, Dear God, I just wasted five minutes! I’m not doing anything productive! But God stands so far outside of that. We get so caught up in our teeny tiny moments within Time that we forget that Time itself is engulfed in God’s eternal glory. We often refer to God as the “Author of Time,” but I wonder… Do we actually understand what that means?

When I say, for example, that Cervantes is the author of Don Quixote de La Mancha, what does that imply? Well, for starters, it means that every last detail of the book came from him. The pages did not write themselves. Every misadventure of Sancho and Quixote, every windmill attacked, every challenge to his imaginary Lady’s virtue—they all existed inside of Cervantes long before the book was published; perhaps they spent years inside of his mind before any other being found out about them. Now, does the fact that for a while those things were inside of Cervantes’ mind rather than on paper change anything? Of course not! If anything, the process of arranging his ideas onto the pages of what would become the masterpiece of Spanish Literature only added richness to the end result. Do any literary critics today look back and say, “Why, golly, it took him a long time to write that book. It must be terrible.” Can you imagine if someone had come to Cervantes and said, “Look, I know the book isn’t ready yet, but I’m really sick of waiting for the sequel. Will you just make x, y, and z happen to Quixote so I will know if he’s insane or not and wrap everything together? Thanks.” How ridiculous would that be?! That would ruin the most wonderful parts of the book.

Yet…

Is that not what we do to God? The Eternal. The Glorious. The Author of Time. He is writing His own masterpiece across the pages of our lives. And he’s doing a lot more than criticizing the Spanish status quo. He’s bringing to pass eternal promises and purposes in our lives. And yet we still want to interrupt him, to tell him what to write so that he can make the story “fit together” by our standards. Here I stand on a finite, miniscule dot contained within that which we call “Time,” and I am completely unable to see anything that is coming my way. And, standing here, I have an “in” with the One who can see ahead! How can I not grasp the wonder of it all? The Author of Time, the one who can stop, rewind, fast forward---who is present to all such “dots” throughout Time at the same time—He has declared me His child and told me He wants to share His heart and His plans with me.

Wow.

You’d think I would throw up my hands, jump for sheer joy, and thank God. You’d think I’d let out a huge sigh and say, “What a relief! Finally, I can stop straining my eyes. You take over!”

Well, that’s what would seem to be the logical response. Shamefully, though, I admit that my default is more often than not one of complaining to God that I’m “bored,” or lamenting “the good old days,” or working myself into a mental paralysis over an unseen future. This reminds me of a poem we used to have on our wall at home:

“I was regretting the past and fearing the future

When suddenly my Lord was speaking,

‘When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets,

It is hard; I am not there. My name is not I WAS.

When you live in the future, with its problems and fears,

It is hard; I am not there. My name is not I WILL BE.

When you live in this moment,

It is not hard; I am here.  My name is I AM.’”

Everything, everything, everything—it all comes down to a very simple question: Do I trust God? That was, essentially, the question posed to Eve in the Garden; her response of “no” has haunted us ever since. We either trust that God will work all things for our good in due time or we don’t. There is no middle ground here. You cannot love someone you cannot fully trust. Think of it this way… every time you feel like saying, “God! I am so bored!” try saying it like what you mean: “God. I know you have said that you have big plans for me, but I don’t see any of that happening right now. So if you could just make something happen, I would know if you’re really a good guy or not. Thanks.” Do you see what I mean? Do you trust the faithfulness of the author?

If he is the author, we are the paper. Yes, we have substance—sort of—on our own. But without His words written across us and throughout us, arranged according to His story, we have no meaning. Nothing will endure. God is the only one with a pen; everything else in Creation is trying to write with chalk. It will last for a while, but only God’s Word endures. Do you trust Him?

It is time the church stopped thinking like the world. It is time we recognized the power of the One we serve. Think of time according to God’s Truth: the passionate dance, the careful arrival of a masterpiece. Don’t let our culture convince you that time is a commodity. That it is yours. That it can be quantified like a retirement fund. That boredom is “normal.” That God won’t come through at the right time.

Make a decision. You can either trust God or not; it’s not my place to tell you what to do. But I will say that you will never regret living on God’s timing. I only submit that the amount of migraines, ulcers, sleepless nights, and destroyed lives exhibited in people entrenched in the world’s timing should be evidence enough that it’s a dangerous way to think.

* * *

Wow! That was a long one! OK… very briefly… here are some updates:

·      I was blessed to be able to lead worship at a women’s retreat this past weekend. A handful of women came forward at the end to receive Christ—that’s what it’s all about.

·      Leading worship at the rehab center has been going really well, but we definitely face a serious attack every time we go. The craziest stuff seems to go wrong with our sound system every time. Keep it up in prayer—if the Enemy doesn’t want us there, we know it’s because God wants to do something big!

·      My brother Davy graduates from college next week! I’m super bummed that I don’t get to see it.

·      God has been putting some huge dreams on my heart—as I hope you realize He’s doing in yours—and so I know first-hand the hardships of waiting for God’s timing. Please keep me in prayer for discernment, for strength to hold on to what God has spoken, and of course, for patience in letting God do things His way!

Thanks!!!

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Taming the Tongue

Hello, dear readers! Have I been remiss in my blogging? You bet I have. But I guess it’s good news—it means that I’ve been busy. In fact, there is a whole mountain of stuff that God’s been doing over the last couple of weeks. I will give you a couple of highlights here and then share what God has put on my heart to write about. (There are going to be a couple of things here that are conspicuously absent from the list. For those of you in the know, well… then you know that God is really good. For the rest of you, all shall be revealed in due time.)

OK. Highlight reel go!

-I’ve been leading worship all over the place. I finally got to go to the rehab center last Friday night. It was so good. I hadn’t realize how much I was missing prison ministry, so it meant a lot to me to be back leading worship for a “rough” crowd.

-This Saturday, I’ll be going to the worship practice at my church for the first time!

-I am being discipled by a truly amazing woman of God named Refugio. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned her before, but basically she’s the kind of person I look at and say, “God, make me like her when I grow up!” She operates on a Spiritual level that is so amazing to see. What I love about Refugio is that she continually makes herself available for God to work. Whatever, whenever, however—Refugio is tuned into the Spirit.

-The English class that I’m helping with is going rather swimmingly, I must say. It’s fun getting to know the woman who is teaching the class a little better every time. I’ve adopted her and her husband as my aunt and uncle, by the way.

That’s all I can really conjure up right now for highlights. You know my e-mail address if you have any further questions?

So, here’s what God has put on my heart to write about today…

            My daily reading the a while ago was from First Kings, and what really caught my attention was verse Chapter 19, verse 4. Talking about Elijah during what we commonly know as his “failure,” when he fled after receiving Jezebel’s evil letter, the verse says, “…while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors’” (NIV). What surprised me in this passage is how hard Elijah is on himself. If you read on a bit farther, you’ll see God give him some basic commands, reveal Himself, and send Elijah on to find Elisha. But never once does God send down the kind of tongue-lashing Elijah gives himself here. There is one phrase, in particular, that has stuck with me. It is the moment where Elijah says, “I am…”

            Did you catch it? He essentially told God, “Listen, I know that you think certain things about me. But let me tell you, God. You’re quite mistaken. I’m a nobody.  I’m no better than my parents. You might as well let me die now because I’ll never be of any use.”

            Be careful what you attach to the phrase “I am.”  Not only is it one of the names of Almighty God, but it is also a dangerous, creative, powerful phrase in the mouth of someone made in the image of God. Whenever God chooses to wield those words in the Bible, usually two things happen: first, men fall on their faces in His presence and second, God declares the absolute truth about His character. When Moses asked God to reveal His glory, God began by saying “I AM.” When Roman guards came to arrest Jesus, they fell on their faces in sheer terror at the utterance of those words.

            What do you do with those words?

            If you’re anything like Elijah, (and James 5:17 assures us that he “was a man just like us,”) you probably fall into the category of incorrectly using them. God has been revealing things to me about myself in the last couple of weeks, so let me be the first to raise my hand and declare myself guilty. You see, we have no idea the kind of power God has given us here on earth. We have no idea what kind of spiritual authority God has placed inside of each one of us. Your mouth is a powerful—yes, powerful!—weapon. With it you have authority from God to cast out demons, to speak healing into broken lives, to declare the Good News to the lost, to comfort the lonely, to pray for nations, to declare the goodness of God’s works—the list goes on and on! And yet, what do we most often find ourselves doing with our mouths? Whining, complaining, or declaring false statements about ourselves and our lives, and most tragically, our God.

            Words carry such weight, such extraordinary potential, that honestly to use them to demean and declare falsehoods goes against their very purpose. Do you remember how the universe came into being? God spoke. God declared life, He declared that all of the different nuts and bolts of the solar system would be—and they were! Then, God declared that they were good. Can you imagine if God had acted the way we do? Let me paint the scene here…

            Before you is light, joy, palpable love. You are enveloped in the eternal glory of God. There is a silence that comes upon you as you sense the Trinity about to act. The Word of God stands up—Creation is about to begin!—but then there is a long pause. “Well… uh… I’ve never done this sort of thing before. I’m just not sure if I’m up to the task. Spirit, why don’t you go ahead and take this one…ok? I’m no good for this kind of thing.” What?! Would that not look completely and utterly ridiculous to you? How on earth could Almighty God, the Glory from before time, say such things about Himself? Would you not be frustrated with Him?

            Now, what do you think He feels when you, the apple of His eye, whom He loved from before the dawn of time, whom He choose as his Bride before he set the foundations of the earth, in whom dwells Eternal Power, in whom dwells His entire being, whom he created in His own image, declare yourself to be unfit for service? Is that not an act of rebellion against the heart of God? Or to put it another way… if God says you are His chosen servant and that He has amazing plans over your life (see Jeremiah 29:11 if you doubt me), what are you saying, exactly, when you take the phrase “I am,” and end it with “…unworthy”? To put it bluntly, you are refusing God and thwarting His plans for your life. You are putting up your hands and saying, “uh… sorry God, but no,” to His love-purpose for your life.

            Ouch. Now, I need to interject here that this does not mean we all wander through the streets saying, “I’m a pretty princess! I own a sports car! I have three ponies! I am rich beyond your wildest imagination!” I shouldn’t have to say that, but I want to make it clear that the only statements you should attach to “I am” are absolute truths. You do not have to say, “I am completely perfect and a wonderful person.” Honestly, if you’re the kind of person who would say it then it’s probably not true. But what you can say is “Christ in me is utter perfection and He has declared His love over me for all time, and He is transforming me more and more to fit His image”. Try that one on for size.

I challenge you to look through the scripture and take hold of a few of these “truths.”  Can you imagine what the church would unlock if we took God at His word more often? If, when faced with a great trial, the first thing out of our mouths was, “God Almighty in the finality of his person dwells within me and He will, undoubtedly, work this together for my good.” How does that compare to our usual, “Good grief that sucks! Why me?” Or how about this: you find yourself in some great need, some kind of emotional problem. Try this one: “God within me is eternal _______ (peace, patience, love, whatever you need!) and I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”

Stop using God’s name to declare lies about yourself! I’m not kidding here. Pretty soon, you will convince yourself that it’s the truth. I’ll be that there are certain things about yourself that up until now you have thought were just certain facets of “your personality.” Have you ever stopped to examine them and wonder where those things got in? Have you ever questioned whether or not the way in which you act in a room full of people is your “personality” or a fulfillment of all the little prophecies you’ve spoken over yourself over the course of your life? Let me tell you, when we look at God, there are certain things that become rampantly apparent: God is expressive, God is dynamic, God is vivacious, God is amazing at conversing with people, God is irresistible, God laughs, God is creative, God is compassionate, and believe me, there are many more aspects we could go into. How many of those adjectives do you speak over yourself? Let me guess: not many. Well… if you are a Christian… Doesn’t God live within you?

Do you see where I’m going with this? Never, ever allow yourself to put a label on you that does not conform to eternal truth. It will so infiltrate your system that before you know it, those seeds of self-doubt and lies will grow like weeds, their spindly vines stretching across the very fibers of your soul. And they will choke out the life that God has for you. You will always settle for second best if you have decided to call yourself “Not Good Enough.” You will always be the wallflower at social events if you think your name is “Can’t Talk to People.” Throw that stuff out the window. Start today.

God wants to remind you that He’s alive. God wants you to know that the same power that conquered the grave is available to you on a moment-by-moment basis. Don’t keep making Elijah’s mistake by declaring limits over yourself. You are different than your parents. You are worth the effort. God does have an amazing plan over your life. But until you will declare it with your mouth and act as if what you have declared is final, absolute truth, you will never get beyond those invisible limits you put up. God is so much more than you could ever imagine. Take Him at His word and let Him prove it to you.

After all, what have you got to lose? 

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Of Steering Wheels and VIPs

I can’t believe I’ve been in Mexico for a whole month now! It’s insane! I really do apologize for not blogging more. But I have found that I get really, really busy.  Part of what God is doing in me here is calling me to lay down my OCD, must-fill-my-planner, and overtly American personality type.  God wants me working directly under Him, meaning I have to ask what to do on a daily basis! It can be almost infuriatingly simple at first. Honestly, it is much harder than you think to not “do” anything. But, and I confess it is almost to my surprise, God has put more stuff “to do” in my lap than I could have possibly coordinated if I had ever tried. I find that I suddenly have meetings with the most amazing people from different churches here. Out of nowhere, people just call and ask me to lead worship at special events. Bands invite me to play with them or even perform at a concert. People who need to talk show up at my door.  A guy came running up to me on the beach, told me he just “knew” he had to talk to me, and ended up giving his life to Christ. It’s insane! I still cannot quite fathom how this principle—which is so simple that it should be the easiest thing I’ve ever done—seems to feel so foreign to me.

This morning God showed me a picture of a little kid sitting on his father’s lap in a car. Did your dad ever let you sit on his lap in a parking lot to “drive” with him? Obviously, he had his feet on the pedals and his hands on the wheel, but he let you pretend along with him. Well, in this image, the kid wouldn’t let go of the steering wheel. Actually, the kid was using all of his strength to try to steer the car his own way. The car just went in circles because the kid could only pull the wheel to one side and hold on. Then it hit me: That’s me! How often does God give me a chance to come up on His lap and participate in what He’s already doing, and I, for “some reason,” feel like I have to take over and do it myself. Have you ever felt that way?

***

I’ve been reading the story of David, and the Psalms. Today, though, my reading was about Solomon asking God for wisdom. God replies to him, “I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be” (see 1 Kings 3:10-14). That verse sort of stuck like a lump in my chest. Creeping into the dark corners of my mind, in a hushed sort of voice, was a sentiment: why can’t I have that? Now, don’t give me a knee-jerk response on this one. Have you not ever seen someone “receive a word” or something and said to yourself, Golly, I wish I could have that too. I wonder why God speaks to them so clearly but not me… If you’re feeling me on this one, you’re on the right track. If not, just listen to yourself for a while. We’ve all experienced spiritual envy—wanting the kind of closeness with God we perceive in some undefined “everyone else.”

I found myself looking at Solomon, envious of course, of this ridiculous gift. The guy was just given unlimited minutes on God’s private line! What?!  He doesn’t have to do a darn thing, either. God just says that He will “give” it to him. No fair! Why can’t God reveal himself to me in a dream and ask me what I want? Come on, you know you’ve wrestled with this yourself. Or do you think about what you read when you put the Eternal Word of the Almighty God in front of your face?

This line of thinking is fairly important. It comes to the heart of many people’s issues with God. Is He the kind of guy that has “special favorites,” people who get all the VIP invites? If so, what makes them so special? And, if you’re like me, you will instantly define yourself as one of the people on the outside. Bottom line: Do you believe that God will make Himself as completely available to you as he did with Solomon, Moses, David, Joshua, or any other “VIP” we read about in the Old Testament?

James 1:5 says the following: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

Did you catch that? It will be given to him. Now, we could hang out in the oohs and ahhs of how we will be given wisdom, too. But something has radically changed in this passage. Did you hear it? “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God.” He should ask.  He should ask God.

If you remember, God is the one who showed up in the Solomon story. God took the initiative and asked him what he wanted. I’m not sure if I can fully express what’s going on between these two verses. Do you realize that you were just given the VIP invite of the century? You don’t have to wait for some “appearance” or “vision” or “dream” of God—YOU may ask him. Right now. I’m not kidding. If God had not come to Solomon and asked him, he may well have had a successful reign anyway. But he would never have had that kind of wisdom. He had no way to make such demands of God.

Now, if we follow this line of reasoning through, then we must conclude that God has actually made himself more available to us than those “special” people I mentioned earlier. Obviously, God is omnipresent to everyone in every situation, but we’ve been told to ask! And in being told to ask him, it follows logically that God is going to hear us. And if God is going to hear us, he has to be listening! Let me blow your mind here a little bit…

Revelation 3:20 says: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” That’s a verse that we so often use in terms of the conversion experience—repentance, sinners giving their lives to Christ. What if we took it a step further and applied it to ourselves? These words, after all, were written to believers. They were written first to people who supposedly have already repented! The church Christ spoke those words to was accused, essentially, of becoming to comfortable in their faith. But even then, Christ was waiting for them at the door.

Are you picking up on the implications of this? The God of Eternity, the One who spoke the earth into being, the One whose voice will have the final say over everything that ever was or will be, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, is standing outside of your door on the off chance that you will wake up and open it. He has so humbled himself that He is waiting—on YOU. He has chosen to give you the say in whether or not you open the door. But He’s hanging on your every word, listening like a cat on the prowl for the slightest invitation on your part. Can you even fathom the… the stupidity of this?! He’s the king! Why not send in the armed guard to burn down your door and put you in prison for not letting Him in? Why not show up in full force and order you to ask for something? Isn’t that what we’re asking for when we whine that He doesn’t show up in our lives like He did in Solomon’s case? Why does He just… stand there waiting?

God. Is. Love. He is the eternal gentleman. He who has the power to dry up the oceans has solemnly decided not to violate your free will.  If you do not want him to have a part in your life, He will not force you. Oh, you’ll have to fight tooth and nail for your entire life to shake off His love. He will not give you up as easily as the Enemy tries to convince you. But believe me when I say that God was serious when He talked about the joy in Heaven if even one person came to Christ. We are under a better promise than Solomon! We have the Holy Spirit! And if we have the Spirit, then it’s time we start acting like people who have the King’s ear.

Which brings us back to the steering wheel. Why do you hold on to it? Do you try to control everything because, deep down, you doubt that God will come through—for you. Sure, He’ll help that other person who is so “spiritual.” But not you. Wrong! That is a Satanic lie, my friend. God will not only come through, FOR YOU, in every possible situation, but He will so make Himself available to you that you will need only to ask him on a moment-by-moment basis and he will open the floodgates of Heaven. Do you want to “hear” the voice of God? Do you want to be “lead” by the Spirit like all those “other people”? Well, for goodness’ sake, don’t you know that He’s reading this blog right along with you? Ask him! Let go of the steering wheel! Stop going in circles and trust that God will come through for you.

Trust that God will give you the desires of your heart when you first put your delight in him. I will warn you that it’s a learning process. You may not wake up tomorrow and have a “word” for your grandmother. But, and I can only attest to it personally, God will teach you exactly what you need at the exact moment you need it. He will prepare you for things you couldn’t have imagined if you had tried and you will be ready, right on time. Operating in the Spirit doesn’t mean that you can bust out tongues at the drop of a hat or that you shake like a psycho when worship music starts. It means that you consciously, day by day, make a choice to present yourself to God and say, “Do whatever you want. You know better than I do what the desires of my heart are. And I trust you.” Those words will change your life. And just as God said to Solomon that there would never be anyone like him again, there will never be anyone like you again. God has something specifically planned for YOU that no one else gets to do. So your day-by-day walk with God will logically look different than that of other people. Don’t let that frighten you, or worse yet, don’t let it make you feel like whatever God is doing in you is somehow less important or valuable. If God Almighty wants to use you to talk to a random person at a grocery store and that’s your only assignment for the day, then I’ll step out on a limb and say that the action carries eternal importance and significance. I’m not going to go into specifics here, but trust me when I say that following God brings better things than you could have EVER dreamed of. Trust Him!

Be blessed. Decide today to take God at his word. Don’t let the voice of the Enemy make you feel like you’re on the outside loop for one more second. You. You, yes, You—you already are God’s VIP.

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Scandalous Grace... and Puppies!

1 John 3:1a "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"

     I know I probably should give you a moment-by-moment update of my latest adventure--namely, moving to Mexico... but honestly, it would take hours. The basic things you need to know: God put in me under the care of the most ridiculously hospitable family I've ever known, and they're renting me a house here in Ensenada (really Chapultepec), very close to all my YUGO friends. I can't even express how astonishing their kindness is; I don't know that I have ever seen anything like it up close. God is already opening so many doors that I'm losing track by the minute--youth group outings, acoustic concerts, English classes, and my dear friends who I've gotten to see! Emotions are always an up and down kind of thing, but I have to say that overall, here I've felt much more "up" than "down," the only hard thing really being waking up for the first time in my own house and realizing that... yep... I'm here. That's your update! Enjoy it. The Holy Spirit has put something else on my heart to write....

      It involves another update that may interest some of you. I have a puppy!  Yep. You called it. The tie-dye toting, save-the-whatever-it-was-we-were-saving Eugene girl indeed found a Mexican puppy wandering the streets and took it in. Who likes to be all alone in a house? I'll put up a picture of him below. But the thing is... the little guy has got mange. I'm not joking. I just... I know that he's my puppy. I know that God is going to heal him. And honestly, 24 hours after finding him on the street, taking him to the vet, and praying over him like no other, almost all of his scabs have already fallen off. Take that, modern science! But the strange thing is... God was just ministering to me via this little fluff ball all morning. And the fruit of that is what I'm about to share. So buckle up... because (you guessed it!) I've got a lot to say. 

     I'm going to narrate the story from a slightly different perspective. Let's take this puppy as a metaphor, shall we? You and me--we are the mange-ridden mongrel on the side of the road. Just deal with it. You're itchy, hot, thirsty. Some random person promised you a life, and then threw you out onto the streets to die. Just a tiny baby in this world, you had no idea what to do. So you wandered around eating whatever you could shove in your mouth. You followed all the wrong dogs into all the wrong places, and did all the wrong things. Oh, sure, you didn't really hurt anything--you were too weak for that. But little by little, whether you were doing "big" things or just wandering aimlessly, you became filthier and filthier. Pretty soon, you were downright contagious. Disgusting. Gross. People didn't want to come anywhere near you. Other dogs literally bit you if you sought help--and you have the wound on your tail to prove it. At this point, we'll push pause.

     Enter that strange human being. That one that you just knew you wanted to be close to. But you dared not get too close--so many other people have thrown rocks in your face... How could this one be any different? Yet something inside of you allowed a tiny seed of hope to take root. You followed the strange human around, still keeping your distance. But little by little, even if you just sat at the person's feet... you knew you couldn't leave. Then comes the gnawing doubt: Why on earth would this person ever notice me? I'm filthy. I itch. I'm covered in disgusting sores. My fur is matted and I'm hungry. I have absolutely nothing to offer except my contagious, gross self. Who on earth would take me?

    Strangely enough, though, as a knife slicing through the doubt, a hand reached down and wrapped a warm towel around you. Suddenly you found yourself inside of a cardboard box, being carried by some unforseen strength to a place of healing--the Veterinarian's office. It hurt at first--you had to get an injection, a painful bath, you were wrenched from the only life you'd ever known. You were left isolated in a new place. But just as quickly as you thought it was all over, you found yourself asleep in the sunshine, sitting in the Master's Lap, as he risked his own skin (literally!) to clean you, hair by hair. You gasped as he searched every part of you, the places you thought you could "deal with on your own." You hadn't realized how bad things really were. But soon enough, you were so used to it that you just lay belly up, taking in the love and comfort. 

     That's the scene here. Now let's shift the focus. What on earth is up with this idiot human being? What kind of moronic American wanders the streets of Mexico looking for a puppy? Seriously--there are millions of free puppies all over the face of the earth. Who gives a rat's patoot about this stupid little dog wandering the road? Just let the dumb thing die already! There are plenty more where that came from! Doesn't that person realize--mange can be dangerous to humans! Whoa, nelly! Let the pup go on its way--sooner or later, it'll just get hit by a car or starve to death... if it doesn't get violently eaten by something bigger. If this person wants a puppy, just buy a cute one. For goodness' sake, this little flea-infested sack of buyer's remorse isn't worth the time and effort. 

     Right?

     Not if we're talking about God. I don't know if we really fully grasp the scandal of God's grace. Can you imagine the way the spiritual realm gasped when he decided from before the foundations of the earth to go in after us? Why not just start over--get a brand new earth, leave us idiot humans to ourselves, and keep everything nice and neat. Why get messy? 

     I can't even explain to you how much God spoke this to me through my puppy. Just as I declare a new, healthy, amazing future for the dog, God declares the same for you. You have no idea the kind of lottery you one when you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. This puppy has no idea how passionate I am about dog training, and how much effort I'm going to put into its health and well-being. He has no idea the kinds of prayers being uttered over him has he sleeps. He doesn't see himself in the future like I do--bringing joy to children, chasing tennis balls, running with me every day, going with me everywhere. He has no idea how committed I am at this point. I made a decision. No one made me. No one held me at gunpoint and said "SAVE THE MANGE DOG." No one. It was my choice. And it will be my sacrifice. 

      In the same way, God has picked you up out of your old life. God has an unimaginably great future in store for you. Maybe right now you've only just been picked up off the street. You're still itchy and scabby, and you feel like you've made a terrible mistake. That's okay. Trust in the Master: you have no idea the blessings in store for you! Pretty soon, you may even see a picture of your old self. But I promise you you won't recognize the face in the photo. Because you are a new being in Christ. He has taken you up, in a scandalously idiotic act of grace, at great personal cost, risking much more than mange to bring you to his home. He didn't have to. He could have left you to die in the street and saved himself the money. But he has chosen you. He has chosen you to accompany him in this life. He has offered you an unimaginable adventure full of love, grace, joy, and the painful washings that must come beforehand. Will you take him up on the offer? Will you trust that he knows what he's doing? Or will you allow the fears, that used to gnaw at your mind just as the mange gnawed at your skin, to win? Will you choose to see all that Christ has for you? Or will you determine to see yourself as mange-infested refuse? 

Like I said, I'm pretty stoked about this puppy. He is healing up pretty stinking fast. God has great things in store for him--and his story! I just knew that I had to take him with me. He doesn't have a name yet. How do I begin to put a title on this little one? Not sure. But one thing I do know... 

My God is gracious!

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

How you live your days is how you life your life.

Okay…

I’ve given myself more than just a little bit of time to think about El Salvador. If you read my last blog, you know I promised to update you. I’ve been a little busy—getting ready to move to a different country tends to take time away! There is, though, one story from my trip that I can’t stop thinking about. It has haunted me since I've gotten back... in a really good way.

            As I think I’ve already mentioned, I was working with the eye team—meaning, essentially, that I was left in charge of a machine more expensive (perhaps) than my car although I have no more medical training than your average prairie dog when it comes to optometry.  I believe the official title of the machine was “Auto-refract”… “ometer”? ...Or something along those lines, but it shall henceforth be referred to as “Glorified Nintendo”, or “GN” for short. Essentially my job was to measure people’s eyes before they went to the legitimate doctors, my job being to provide a more or less accurate estimate of any eye prescription, as well as indicators of astigmatism. Not to be confused with stigmata. My instructions were as follows:

            “Just line the [medical jargon for black dot in center of eye] up in the middle of the screen and make sure the focus is correct so we don’t get [medical jargon for when Alyssa does a crappy job and the numbers are wrong]. Point and shoot. And go faster [medical jargon for when Alyssa nervously makes elderly patients hold their eyes open for superhuman periods of time]!”

            Right.

            Can you imagine? What if you came to a doctor in the states and, Lord help you, I was the person in charge of giving your eye exam? I wouldn’t even be offended if you ran away screaming—I’m completely unqualified for the job! But the crazy thing is that these people were so grateful to even have a clinic to go to that they wouldn’t have cared if Mr. Rogers were administering the eye exam. They wanted someone to talk to, someone with whom to freely discuss eye problems, anyone willing to give them the time of day and try to help them. We’re talking about people who, some of them as old as 50, had never even been to an eye doctor. Upon seeing me in my fancy red scrubs, then, they simply assumed I was a doctor and treated me like it. And I was only the pre-doctor lackey! The locals addressed us with a certain amount of awe. It was strange, really. There was one young woman, who, tragically, epitomizes this case.

            At about 15 years old, she seemed somehow old for her age. This teenager, dark hair clinging to her forehead with sweat brought about by the hours waiting in the Salvadoran sun to get into the clinic, was weighed down by something. There was a certain nervous twitch in her manner of holding the piece of paper—her clinic invitation—that brought her across our path. Like many other women who have an eye problem that is physically apparent, she was wearing sunglasses. Her face held eerily still as she sat in our “waiting room” comprised of plastic lawn chairs organized into a loose U-shape. But, when I called her to come sit at my desk to set her up on the GN, her whole countenance changed.

            Some sort of long-lost hope was rising from the ashes of her prematurely tired face. She gingerly handed me her paper and followed my every instruction as if I held the power of life or death. She did so smiling. I had no idea what on earth she was so upset about before. Whatever! It gave me this awesome feeling of “look how great I am!” to think about the wonderful work I was so courageously doing. What a splendid human being I am. Helping this sweet girl get her eyes checked and what not. Gah! Focus the machine… don’t get too distracted here… boy I cheered this girl up. Honestly, projects like this make you feel like Rocky at the moment when he finally gets his sweaty body to the top of the stairs—a champion. Here I was, taking part in this nice little clinic that was just, darn it, saving people’s eyesight.

            Sadly, though, this girl is the one that totally ruined that perspective.

            After about 20 minutes, she was on her way out of the doctors’ room. And she was in tears. Not the normal eye clinic tears because some strange, white, abnormally tall yhetti/man was poking your eyes—she looked like a small child whose favorite doll just got ran over by a train. Destroyed. Broken. Hurting. Crushed. I knew something had to be really wrong, but I had to keep working. After all, we had hundreds of patients to go through. I mean, I had eyesight to save!

            But somehow, as I caught glimpses of her outside on the patio waiting to pick out glasses, I knew something inside of me wouldn’t relent until I had figured out what was going on. It’s that feeling you get that hits somewhere between terror and rage. It’s when the hairs on the back of your neck prickle and your stomach begins to churn. You have that sinking feeling that whatever you’re about to do is going to be really hard somehow but you also know that you’ll throw up if you don’t. So I called over my friend, a local that I had trained to run the machine, and went outside to figure out why she was so upset—how could anyone, after receiving our medical attention, be sad?!

            Then I found out. This fifteen-year-old girl has a degenerative eye condition that will eventually leave her entirely blind or as close thereto as the evil working in her system can muster. She may never be able to see her own children. If things get really bad, she may not watch her own wedding. Certainly, she won’t drive a car. She had come to our clinic that morning, against all odds, because something inside of her believed that we could make everything better. I mean, we’re Americans, for crying out loud! Our doctors can turn young black men into scary white women. Of course we can fix her eyes! But you know what? We can’t. There is no medical procedure for the kind of genetic disease she has. There is nothing that any doctor on any continent of this world can do for her.

            So, just to sum it all up for you, we crushed her dreams and reminded her just once more that her future is literally dark, as the twilight hours of what little eyesight she has dwindle away into the long, bleak night of blindness.

           

Well, so they say.

But there was another fact that came to me in that moment. A fact greater than any genetic research this world has ever known. A fact more powerful than any Western medicine that optometry has produced.

My God created the eye. He created her eyes. And, most importantly, He created her.

            So I knew that I had to pray with this girl. There was absolutely no arguing about it. I walked over, found her dawdling by the door (she couldn’t bring herself to just walk away) and asked if I could pray over her. I laid my hands on her eyes and started--first in English, and then in Spanish, I honestly don’t remember what I was even saying. Then something inside of me wanted to know more about this young woman. At this point we were both crying (except me because I don’t cry. Ever. Not even during sad movies), but I began to ask her questions about her dreams, and what she wants to do with her life. She told me she wanted to be a teacher. Her great aspiration was to help other people learn. (How many of us would be so generous out of such dark despair?!) At this point, a rather obvious thought blurted out of my mouth. “You know, you don’t have to see to teach people.” She looked at me as though I had landed from an alien planet where the inhabitants survive by eating each other’s mucus. But, I noticed, a small smile crept into the deep corners of her mouth.

            “I know.”

            “No, really, I’m serious. Do you realize that whether or not you ever see again, God can still work in you and transform your life? Do you realize that your blindness does not limit God’s power? That your blindness does not thwart his love and purpose for your life? That it cannot stop God?”

            She smiled.

            Then she started to laugh. She started to tell me about her family, her school, her homework, and like the flood of tears that preceded it, I felt hope flooding for the first time. Beginning slowly, tiny raindrops of hope were trickling out of her mouth.

            And it hit me: whether or not we treat these people medically is not actually the issue here. Do I really understand that they are people? That they are no different from me at all? That every time I meet another person, I am meeting a soul that will last for eternity. That every collision with any soul has the potential to change the world?

            I still don’t think I get it.

            We are SO quick to forget the immense spiritual realm that surrounds us. That every action you take leaves ripples across time and space for all eternity, and every action you do not take makes no less of an impact. We cannot slide by with excuses like “too much work” or “not enough time” or “not my calling” or “let someone with more experience handle it” any longer. What if I had not talked to this girl? What if I had talked to her sooner?

            I am not advocating safari trips into the Wild What If; I am questioning whether we realize that we live in the Wild Right Now. Do not let life’s moments pass you by. Do not let Divine Opportunities to impact a life slip through your fingers. Do not get so caught up in “good works” like I did that you forget that God is working.

My prayer is that it won’t take me half an hour to see a soul in need of God’s comfort ever again. My prayer is that the church would shake of the dust and realize how great our power is because of Him who is within us.

You are no mere mortal. 

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Life comes at you fast...

 Oh.
My.
Goodness!

I have so ridiculously much to share right now that I feel like my keyboard is scarcely up to the task... I'm going to keep this blog brief (fingers crossed!) and blurt out a few things, with further explanations soon to come. Capiche? At least, I believe "capiche" is Italian for "understand," but I don't speak Italian.

Here we go!

 Update #1: I just got back from an amazing trip to EL SALVADOR! I put pictures up on my FB account, so click on the link at the top of this page if you want to go look at them. It was seriously one of the most amazing trips I've been on yet. I had the great privilege of going with a team of highly trained medical professionals and doctors (which is to say, people a lot smarter than I am!) to serve the people of San Rafael Cedros with a free health clinic comprised of four main areas: pediatrics, women's health, general medicine, and eyes. I got to work on the eye team, and all I can say is that watching someone put on glasses, burst into tears, and faintly whisper, "I can read my Bible again" is nothing short of life-changing. It was such a blessing for me! It was about a two-week long trip, and for those of you who know I take a long time to process things... so give me a little while to think it over and I'll really buckle down and give you details.

Update #2: This is the one that will make you crinkle up your nose in despair at my raging inability to maintain a coherent blog, but I am moving back to Mexico! Feel like you're missing out on some information between my last blog and this information? You should! I'm really bad at chronicling my life. Dang it, I'm too busy living! The long at short of it is that one day at work, literally while cleaning out the deep fryers, a divine revelation slapped me across the face like a lead pipe. (Okay, pipes don't exactly "slap," but I'm enjoying the image here...) God really started speaking to my heart that He is the one who puts dreams in the hearts of His children, and when God puts a dream in your heart, you really will want it more than anything. Translation: "Alyssa, you moron, I already know that you want to go to Ensenada! Stop believing that the fact that you want it makes it wrong--I put that desire there!" Don't ask me to explain why this thought had yet to pierce the void of my nearly-empty head... But, in that moment, I began to really pray for Ensenada...

You know, one of those mighty prayers of faith...
It went something like, "OK, if you want me to go to Ensenada, YOU do everything... and give me a way to go... and um... I want a pony too."
Mighty woman of faith I am!
I even attempted a fast... which pathetically ended in a Pad Thai binge.
Let's be honest... my "spiritual maturity" here is not exactly stellar.

The crazy part? SWEET LORD JESUS, HE REALLY DID DO EVERYTHING! I have financial support (you know who you are and you are the craziest, most generous and amazing dream-fulfilling person I've ever even heard of!!!), I already have different friends talking to me about helping in ministries in the area, and to top it of I have a dear friend down there who has taken it upon himself to figure out my living situation, right down to pilfering his relative's furniture!

It's almost getting ridiculous, to be honest. But I believe that if you give God an "if you ____, then I'll ____" then you had better be willing to follow through. Honestly, those statements aren't the best way to begin--but believe me, us faith weaklings have to start somewhere! And if ever there was a time when God had given me every imaginable reason to trust in his calling on my life, it's right now. I am reminded of that verse in James which says "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them" (4:17). Well, I know the good I ought to do. Every single "sign" I asked God for has been answered. Every idiotic thing I asked for has all but fallen from the sky. Now all I can do is take a deep breath and follow Him!

Whew! Okay I have to be true to my word and keep the blog short. I do have other updates, but we'll save those for another day. I just want to keep you all in the loop.

A few final requests: Pray for me, por favor! Pray specifically for my car and safety on the road, as I am going to be driving to Ensenada. Pray that God would teach me to fully submit myself to him that I could better serve him wherever He leads me.

OK! That's really all for now. Much love! Thank you all so much :)

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Faith That Overcomes

"To love at all is to be vulnerable.

 Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;

avoid all entanglements;

 lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change.

It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

—   C.S. Lewis

I really can’t explain it, but this quote has been fluttering around my mind nonstop for the last week or so. In my last blog, I wrote partially about the difficulty I’m having in terms of dealing with wanting to be in Mexico (which I now almost always write as México) and the reality that I am not quite sure what God is up to. Now, there are always a few rock-bottom truths that must of necessity form the foundation of our worldview as believers:

1.     God is good.

2.     God is faithful.

3.     Ultimately, God is in control.

So, these truths being the reality that they are, I know enough about what

God doing. I’ll never need to know more. But we cannot all at once deny the human yearning for certainty, that insatiably child-like cry that asks, “Why?” or “How?” or really any interrogative word. What we long for is a foothold in this crazy world. Now, you may ask what on earth this has to do with the aforementioned quote. That brings us to the other item I’ve been pondering.

            Remember that guy from the “Father Abraham had many sons” song? Yeah, Abraham. You know the one. I’ve been mulling over that part of the Bible where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. If you work it out, by the time Isaac was born, Abraham had been waiting about 25 years.  That’s longer than I’ve been alive… so for me it might as well be an eternal number. But I think even if you’re older than that, you can accept that wanting something for 25 years is a bit… odd. I mean, it would be no stranger for someone to declare that one day they are going to find a golden ticket to the Chocolate Factory wrapped around the Big Mac they buy every lunch hour at McDonalds. I mean, we would think he was completely insane today! Obsessed, to say the least. Delusional. Idiotic.

            Could you hold on to a dream for 25 years? I honestly thought this through. The longest I’ve held on to any dream would be about 8 years… and said dream and I have our ups and downs. How many of us “wake up” from that “silly phase” and move on into the “real world”? How many dreams now lie safely in real coffins in real cemeteries because people did not fight for them? Now, Abraham, to be fair, had some pretty unique Divine messages to guide him and encourage him along the way. But if you count it up, Abraham had no more than 10 recorded “mountaintop moments” with God. That’s really not as much as we make it out for a quarter of a century… So don’t give me that “But Abraham and God were, like, BFFs. If God talked to me like he did to Abraham, of course I could do it!” God gives each person exactly what he or she needs the moment it is needed. God has given you whatever you need. The question, then, is what are you doing with it?

            There’s one important thing I see Abraham doing with his dream, and it seems to be a learning process. He orients his entire life around the revealed purpose of God. I’m serious, even in his catastrophic mistakes—taking his wife’s servant, for example—you still see how his entire focus is the dream God gave him. Would any of us be passionate enough about something God spoke into our heart that we would hold onto it for years and years, even sinning, to bring about that very thing? Obviously I am not condoning sin here. What I am highlighting is that even Abraham’s sin was oriented toward making God’s promise happen. Now, trying to do anything to “help” God is doomed from the beginning. But Abraham believed God. The promise of God, Abraham’s dream of having a son through his wife Sarah, meant absolutely everything to him.

            That is what makes the almost-sacrifice of Isaac so interesting. Abraham has thought of nothing but this promise, this dream, for 25 years. His son is now alive before his very eyes! In fact, Isaac cannot possibly be any younger than 10… bringing us to 35 years and counting with this dream. And then came the fateful command: sacrifice the boy.

            Wait. What?

            Let’s take a break here for some imagery. Anyone out there have a dog? Have you ever given little Fido a nice new bone? Well, let me tell you from experience: give that dog 10 seconds of possessing his new bone and he’ll rip your arm of if you come within five feet of it. Never you mind the fact that you bought it for said pooch: that is his freaking bone and you’ll pull back a bloody nub if you reach for it.

            Well, Abraham had that dream for 35 years. At least. Don’t you think he would’ve been a little possessive of it? I was trying to come up with some way for myself to understand. What if God told me to drop my guitar from the top of the Empire State Building? I honestly cannot even imagine it. And that’s talking about an inanimate object! We’re talking here about Abraham’s own flesh and blood, his dream 35+ years in the making. And what do we get out of him in response? Not a word! The man who interceded like a babbling idiot for a good five verses to get Lot out of the destruction of his city. The man who laughed when God told him Sarai would bear a son in her old age. This time, he simply saddles up his men and goes.

            This is an important growth process I see at work in the life of Abraham. Now we can tie in the C.S. Lewis quote. Early on in the story, we see Abraham really holding on to his dream. We see him surrounded by luxuries, continuously trying to protect the Self (lying about his wife’s identity to Pharaoh, for one). But again and again, God interrupts and forces him to lay his dream bare on one altar or the other. I honestly see Abraham’s laughter not so much as doubt, but that awkward sort of cover we do when someone has discovered something we didn’t want them to. Perhaps he was really beginning to doubt the dream. Perhaps he even felt stupid about it. By laughing it off, he could cover it up—distance himself from the dream altogether. But God continuously brings it front and center: “You will have a son.” I can’t imagine how such a statement must have plucked at his heartstrings. Obviously, there was nothing the man wanted more! What an idiot he must have felt by year 24. He had his moments of “stepping out” in faith—all of which seemed to head in the wrong direction. It still baffles my mind that he found anything funny at all 24 years into the “joke”.

            Yet something radical was at work in Abraham. A kind of rock-bottom, foundational faith was forming in him. His ever-yearning heart was re-prioritizing. A sort of heart-on-the-table mentality was awakening inside of him. There was no covering of doubt with laughter, no trying to weasel other people into the family line. When Isaac asks Abraham where the sacrifice is coming, Abraham cryptically replies, “God Himself will provide it.” Don’t you think he maybe had a nagging “Good grief I hope so” in that statement? Whatever the case, this is a radically different man then the lying coward who used to offer his wife to other men just so they wouldn’t hurt him! We see Abraham in this moment as a man no longer afraid to just step out and declare the [seemingly nonsensical] thing that God has spoken to him. We have no idea what God spoke to Isaac about this matter, but I’m sure if Abraham had doubted or been fearful, Isaac would’ve bolted at the first stoplight. I think there was a sort of decided, grim calm about Abraham. He trusted God, but had no idea what was going to happen. And bear in mind that what he is laying on the line is this dream he’s now spent more than a third of a century nursing.

            Remember our dog image? Abraham is not behaving in that way at all. Had he been possessive of “his” dream, the son that he loved, it would have been better in a way for the whole dream to die. (not that I advocate here for human sacrifice… I’m talking symbolically.) Only when you can walk away from something are you really free to love it at all. Love demands freedom.

Referring back to our opening quote, to love at all is to put yourself on the line. You have to be willing to be vulnerable—to declare God’s promise to you—to dream. To love. To walk. To live. You cannot love God and try to “cover your back” all at once. You either possess your life or you don’t. You either believe God or you don’t. He either put it in your heart or He didn’t. Either you walk on this earth serving God or you don’t. There is no middle ground here. Don’t make the mistakes Abraham made. Believe God, right now. Believe that what he has declared to you is truth. Hold on to it with everything you’ve got, for years if need be. But always remember that the Dreamgiver is bigger than the dream. Hold on to things, but remember to keep a loose fist. There are two questions you need to ask yourself here: 1, Am I willing to remain faithful to what God has spoken to me regardless of how long it takes? 2, Am I willing to give it up completely if he asks me?

Friends, don’t wrap up your heart’s desires inside the “coffin of your selfishness”.  Rather, boldly stand firm in what God is speaking to you. This message is for me as much as anyone else. I’m starting to feel clinically insane about wanting to serve God in Latin America. But I have to be faithful! God has given me the word. Not only of leading worship but of being a missionary. So I HAVE to wait for Him. Obedience has but one opposite; it has no lower forms.

What has God spoken into your heart? What dreams are you so ashamed of that you’ve almost given up on them? If God has given you the dream of being a doctor, don’t lose it in medical school! If He has spoken a ministry in your heart, don’t get bogged down by church politics. Hold on to your dream. And be willing to throw it in the air when and where God tells you.

Enjoy the adventure!

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"