Processing... it's a work in progress

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” Romans 8:28

Where to I begin to pick up after my last blog? It’s been quite a while indeed. I suppose first things first would be to tell you that I’m not writing from Ensenada, México. I’m writing from Eugene, Oregon—an incalculable distance not only in terms of geography but in very the fibers of my soul. It feels strange here. Granted, I’ve been here for a while now (I got back mid-October), but I suppose the definition of the word “home” has so radically changed for me that I may never fully understand the word again. So many people in México became a sort of home for me. Even writing the words here on my computer, something inside of me writhes at the use of the past tense when speaking of it. Where does one pick up the pieces of an old life?

So many things on the outside should smack of “normality” but really they have become a reminder of where I am. And where I’m not. I’m back at my old job—the one I though I quit for good. I do happen to love my coworkers, but nothing breaks the spirit like the triglyceride-fighting power of dishwashing soap. I’m walking the same streets I used to, but now I feel like a visitor in my own neighborhood. Don’t even get me started on the church situation here in Eugene. I have a church. It’s just in the wrong country.

If this blog seems to be starting off on a sad note for you, you can skip ahead. I’m just trying to process in words for the first time what on earth is going on. A dream has died. There’s no way around it. When I first pulled up into Ensenada, I really saw myself being there for some time. The stars were aligning—I had graduated from college, tidied things up nicely back in Oregon, and in general was feeling ready to take on the world. Somehow things just didn’t go the way I had hoped. I’m “back.”

I’ve burned bridges and been burned this past summer. I had more fun and more heartache than any other time of my life. I’ve done things that I regret and even had a few shining moments of triumph. I made the kind of friends you hope to come across once in a lifetime. I was let down by the kind of friends you spend your lifetime trying to avoid. In short, México was everything all at once.

México is the kind of place that crawls under your skin, and painfully, slowly, and skillfully, weaves its way into every part of you. It becomes a layer you cannot avoid. You wear it—not because you want to or because you’re trying to prove something—but because to deny it would deny the person you have grown to be. There are times when I hear it whisper in my ear, when I taste it, when it unexpectedly takes hold of me. Certain smells now are either avoided or treated with caution, lest the flood of memories they stir up breach the temporary dam I’ve created while I sort this mess out. I cannot deny what a huge part of me México is now. It’s like the your ex-boyfriend who, even though the relationship was rocky, still causes that rush-of-air feeling in the pit of your stomach. It’s a sort of delicious pain really, because it is rooted in love. Just as you once maybe loved him, I love México. The people, the sights, the food, the smells, the mange-infested dogs roaming about. Together they form a mosaic that is my own definition of the country. My experience, certainly, was unique. It was unthinkably short, but it has changed the course of my life forever.

How could I simply return here to Oregon and follow the “American Dream”? Can I honestly say that I still believe it? Furthermore, if the dream were real and came true and I found myself the proud owner of a 2-story house with a white picket fence and 2.2 children, could that, even in it’s most shining moments of joy and glory, make me happy? Absolutely not. Once you’ve built a house no bigger than the average living room and watched a family break into tears upon receiving it, it’s hard to say that you need an aircraft carrier-sized abode to be happy. Once you’ve spent time with the people who work in t-shirt factories so spoiled Americans can buy hundreds of shirts they’ll never actually wear, it’s hard to get the same buzz at the mall. Once you’ve been part of a family that needed no greater occasion than a Sunday afternoon to stir up a flurry of love, dancing, and food, it’s hard to say that a bigger T.V. will bring you more entertainment.

Now don’t get me wrong—I’m not proposing that we all move to the woods or form some sort of commune. I’m only sending a simple idea out into the cosmic void. What if the basis of American society, that idea of he-who-dies-with-the-most-toys-wins, is wrong? What if that idea of go-to-college-so-you-can-get-a-good-job-and-buy-the-most-toys is also wrong? What if spending the vast majority of your waking hours in a cubicle doing God knows what so that God knows who makes a profit is completely absurd? Are my questions here really that far off base? Let me be honest, by the time most of us make it to 60 we’ll be lucky if we can still physically do all those things we tell ourselves we want to. Which means, essentially, that our worldview trains us from a very young age to work from sunup to sundown so we can pay for a future that, by the time we get there, we will be too old to enjoy. Dear God. I don’t know about you, but I’m depressing myself here.

Obviously, some of you will point out the obvious here. And congratulations to you if you’ve said to yourself, “but by Jolly, this woman is talking about loving México. Those people work longer hours than we do! She has no idea what she’s saying!” What I love about México is not that it has somehow become Utopia or that it is free of nasty American-type things. But it opened my eyes to see just how deceived we are as a nation. The fact that Western culture has introduced the rat race to the world does not somehow make it okay. We just managed to make other people’s lives even worse off than ours. People south of the border, speaking in complete generalization, are lucky to get retirement and even luckier to live to see it.  The bottom line is that there is something very wrong in the world.

This brings me to that scripture I posted at the top. You see, the world really is pretty screwed up. When 5% of the world population (the US) consumes nearly a quarter of its resources, you know something is wrong. When every day enough children die of hunger that 9/11 seems low-key, you know something is wrong. When a teenager in Indonesia literally forfeits his youth working essentially as a slave in sweatshops so that a teenager in the United States can have new t-shirt for school, you know something is wrong. BUT—mark my words here—God is working in all things. If you want to tell me that everything is just fine and poor people like being poor, do us all a favor and take me up on that live in the woods idea. The rest of us have a choice to make.

You can buy Nike shoes because they are cool, or you can do your homework and support companies that pay their workers a living wage. You can buy Old Navy clothing because it’s cheap and fashionable, or you can buy fewer articles of clothing for a higher price from companies that refuse to put a price tag on human life. You can go shopping every time you feel unhappy, or you can give to someone in need. You can say that poor people are just born that way, or you can stand in the gap.

I’m not talking about Christian Social Justice here. I’m not trying to take what Bono is doing and slap a crucifix on the front. What I’m talking about is comprehending God’s heart toward the lost, the broken, the orphaned, the widow, and the hungry. Honestly if you hide behind the “it’s just a fad” mentality in terms of serving “the least of these,” I wonder if you really feel with God’s heart at all. God’s Word is chock full of Him stepping in to help the downtrodden—God was the one who forced Egypt to release its slaves; God sent one of his prophets to a near-starving woman to save her and her son; God instituted laws that allowed poor people to hang out in fields and pick up whatever grain fell to the ground; God declared that He does not play favorites among His children (all men are created equal!); He is the one who defined religion as looking after the widow and the fatherless.

Mother Theresa is quoted as saying, “I will not offer the gospel of talk to starving people.” Obviously, this world will never be right while men live in sin. But starving people need real bread as well as the Bread of Life. We as believers need to empathize with the hurts of humanity. Not that we become those who are marked by clinical depression, but those that rise up in holy rage against the world system.

I’m sure you’re feeling riled up. At least, I hope so. But in about 15 minutes you’re going to find yourself in the same place I am: “So what the heck DO I do?” Here’s my tip. Pray like you’ve never prayed before. Refuse to settle for those just-bless-everyone-oh-daddy-please prayers and roll up your sleeves. If this world is to bow its knees before the Almighty, we as believers shouldn’t have to ask for instructions first. We need to be in prayer as though our lives depended upon it. And believe me, they do. But be prepared. I’ll warn you. You will undoubtedly find yourself in confusing and hard situations like the one in which I find myself tonight. You will feel doubt. You will feel fear. You will wonder if you are crazy for thinking what you do. I happen to have México as my constant self-check as to whether or not I’m sinking into the world system. Find out what yours is. And refuse to settle.

Good grief, I have the most terrible habit of writing long blogs.

I ask that you would include me in your prayers. Pray that God would make a way for me to serve him among the broken, the downtrodden, and the hungry. Pray that he would open doors where I see no possible way. Pray that he would give me faith to reach to where he is leading me! And then pray the same for yourself ;)

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Divine Appointments

Hola, faithful readers!
       Boy do I wish I had more space to write here. I know I've taken my sweet time getting this blog up, but hopefully can explain myself before the lynch mob forms. Haha! At any rate... here goes!

      I have to confess... I've had a hard time these past few weeks. So may of my Americanized ideals of "results" have clashed, as it were, with the reality of my life here. I mean, I'm here as a "missionary," right? And logically, that would imply that as I walk down the street my shadow itself has the power to heal people. Right? Wrong! I cannot really even explain to myself what "missons" means. Where did we get this idea of being a "missionary" from? I know exactly how it goes. Believe me. You watch a moving video clip, someone mentions something about those darn starving children in Africa, or whatever. And there it is. You've received your "calling" from God. I mean, if you really want something, it has to be a holy and righteous calling. We're talking about starving children in Africa, Thailand, Laos, Mexico--wherever!--for goodness' sake! How can helping them not be the right thing to do? But, when you hit the ground, metaphorically speaking, those moving video clips seem really far away.
     I wanted results. I wanted them now. I wanted to be saving people. That, after all, is the missionary calling. Right? Ah! But if you look at those three sentences that began this paragraph, you'll see where the problem is. I'm using the first person singular--ME. And any time you begin to find yourself talking like that, do yourself a favor and (in an isolated area so no one locks you away) go ahead and slap yourself across the face. It's not about ME. The eternally-elevated, all-powerful "I AM" is not named Alyssa. I got turned around somehow in the midst of everything here. I forgot that it's not a question of why am I here--it's a question of who.
     Who brought me here? Who is the one in control of things? Once that gets straightened out... sure, you can ask why. But I'll tell you, you probably won't get an answer. Because the funny thing is, God is the eternal why. I'm talking from experience here. You will drive yourself completely and hilariously insane if you start blubbering to God about "why". Why, God did you bring me here? Why are things the way they are? Why can't... And off you go as if God owed an accounting of Himself to you. Rather, ask God a question that will ultimately answer every other question: "Who are you?" It is the most powerful, the most important question you will ever ask. And the answer will change your life. I promise.
       This question is what has slapped me across the face, as it were, and brought me back to what is real here in Mexico. I'm not exactly used to the whole eternal time scale thing. I grew up in the world of microwaves, online degrees, and instant mac 'n cheese. The thought of waiting for something literally makes me nauseous at times. But time and again over the last weeks, God has been really speaking to me about what it means to follow Him. Because I'm not working towards a goal here. I have no "quota" of lives to save. Jesus does not have me punch out at the end of the day. I'm following a real, living person here in Mexico and I am on His schedule.
     Take a look at Elijah, for example. We're introduced to him in 1 Kings Chapter 17. The entire palace court would have been in session. Imagine everyone dressed in their finery, discussing lofty ideals of politics and current events. When suddenly, the door is thrust open. The room falls silent. Standing in the middle of the most expensive doorway in all of Israel is... some hick from Tishbite. He probably even had an accent to boot! Every mouth in the room would have been silent--just imagine the shock at the sight of him. Yet, for all of the awkwardness (I probably would've mumbled something about "oh... just looking for the bathroom" and ran!), this guy opens his mouth. And oh my, does he speak with a power much greater than he should: "'As the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.'" Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but according to the Israeli system of government, the king was the official "servant" of God. Even the high priest, politically at least, answered to the king. Now look at the way Elijah phrases it: "the God of Israel," "whom I serve." It's interesting to me that he put the "Israel" in. I mean, for crying out loud--he was talking to the king of Israel! In saying it like that he draws a circle around himself and God, and by his manner of speaking declares that the king himself has fallen outside of this realm. The hick standing in the midst of this outraged group of royal somebodies has just put himself in the place of highest authority under God. Wow!
     What next?! Let's have some explosions! Bring in a helicopter! Send in Jack Bauer! I mean, we've got the real deal here--a prophet, with authority, operating in full cooperation with the spirit of God, ready to take on the world, full of ironclad faith. What next? Oh boy, what next!
     That's where the story used to lose me. God said to Elijah, "'Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, East of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there." Are you kidding me? Go hide? By a brook?! The mighty man of God who just usurped the authority of the king of Israel? His next divine appointment is to go on vacation? Ewwww... What a waste! Think about it! The people would've seen that God was the true God--it really did stop raining! Imagine how many souls Elijah could've been out saving from day to night! They would've had to build a baptismal the size of a baseball stadium to fit them in. Doesn't God see? Does He not understand what He's missing out on?!
      Have you never thought that way? I bet you that if you were honest with yourself, you would have to agree that at first glance God's assignment here seems... pretty lame.
       Thanks be unto God, however, that His ways are not our ways. Over the next three years Elijah did essentially nothing. Well, OK, he went to a widow's house and with power from God raised her son from the dead and there was the whole jar of oil bit, but that's peanuts compared to what "could've" been. Yet, here's where we have to stop and ask ourselves something: was Elijah any less of a prophet of God when he was hiding beside the brook? I mean, really, we like to applaud and cheer when he busts through the palace doors shouting out "Thus Says the Lord!" But was he any less obedient at the brook? The answer is that the only thing that made Elijah the icon of faith that we now take him for is that he heard the word of the Lord and obeyed. He was no less important in God's sight when he was at the Kerith Ravine then when he stood before all the prophets of Baal in the next few chapters. Can we Americans really handle this? Elijah was one of only two Old Testament icons to stand with Jesus at the Mount of Transfiguration. Now you can say that he was in Heaven or whatever and logically would've already been with the Lord, but not even David got to see Jesus face to face. Honestly! This little country boy who probably smelled a little off, spent a chunk of three years hiding beside a brook, and then ultimately fled at the height of his fame and essentially asked for permission to die in a cave in the middle of nowhere? Him? Surely God meant to bring some mighty warrior forward to the mount but pushed the wrong link and hit "send." Right?
      Wrong. God looks for an obedient heart. Elijah's heart was obedient to the word of the Lord. And even when he does royally screw up later on, he shuts himself away in a cave and talks to God about it. Wow. This is what God values. Elijah was faithful in the "little things"--something as humiliating as waiting for some dumb bird to bring him bread--and God then entrusted him with the "big things," like bringing an entire nation to its knees to confess that God alone is the Maker of the Universe and will have no competition.
     So if you find yourself today struggling with the "why" of life, feeling like you're not doing anything important, feeling like you're completely useless, wondering how on earth it can be that God is using you... congratulations. You're on the right track. Now you're ready to start asking real questions. Who is your God? Because if you're praying for results or a big ministry, the odds are that those things are going to end up competing for the Lord's place in your heart. Follow Him! Maybe he has sent you to your own brook for a while to wait on the Lord. Go there in obedience! Humble yourself so that he can exalt you. And trust me, I'm right here with you. I feel like the most worthless, impotent "missionary" in the history of mankind. But thanks be to God that it has nothing to do with me! If I were some awesome speaker, or really had magic powers to heal people with my shadow--where would there be room for God to work? Rather, when we can honestly see that we ultimately have nothing to offer, we are free to offer ourselves.
      Stop trying to offer your talents, your goals, your whatever. God doesn't need it. He has chosen to need you. And until you will offer yourself, He cannot bless you as He wants to. God has chosen to entrust his Name, his reputation, his workings in this world--TO US! I mean it. If God wanted to evangelize the whole world He could. If God came in power right now I promise you every tongue on earth would confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. But he has chosen us! He has chosen us to work in such a unique way that each one of us has a different calling, a different purpose. And we all pass through different seasons. But never forget that there really is an Architect behind it all. And if you find yourself like me passing through a "quiet time," that is to say a time when you feel like you're not doing enough, remember that God is in control. If you are faithful in the small things, He who called you really is faithful to fulfill every promise He ever made. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him! God is alive. He is moving. He is working in you whether you like it or not. And it is His working in you, ultimately, that will fulfill the Great Commission to go forth and make disciples of all nations. Our obedience to God is what makes the difference. And obedience is simply seeing the Father at work and saying, "Yes, Lord, I'm with you." I encourage you to open your hearts to hear the word of the Lord for YOU. He's got something to say to you right now. Will you listen? Are you ready for your own Divine Appointment?





"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Great is Thy Faithfulness... A quick comment on some of what God's up to here

Hello, Dear Readers!

This really doesn't relate so well to my previous post about the breakfast program, so in the name of immaculately-organized blogs I decided to waste more cyberspace and create a new post...  here goes.

Okay...
     This still doesn't feel real, but I'm going to write the blog anyway. A few Sundays ago, a lady at my church here told me she needed to talk to me after the service. I knew her from YUGO--she volunteered with a group of ladies on Sunday afternoons to cook a special meal for the campers' first day. I had no idea what she needed to talk about, but as the ladies continuously joked about finding me my husband, I was only hoping she wasn't going to try to introduce me to anyone! Well, she began by saying, "Alyssa, the Lord has given me a word for you and I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell you the message." Oh. My. Word. Yeah, you could say she had my attention. This woman then began to go point-by-point, giving me answers to some pretty serious prayers of late. She told me, "The Lord has given you the anointing of worship leader. Seek God in praise and worship, and he will open the doors." That was only part of what she said! It was crazy. We talked for a little while longer, but we both went our ways after the service. God, however, had more in store for me that day.
      I was out of the house all afternoon that day, but for "some reason" when I got home that night after the youth service at church, I decided to check my computer. I had a message waiting for me from a friend saying that this person wanted to give support financially for me here during my time in Mexico. Great indeed is the faithfulness of our Father! It blows my mind. Remember the scripture that says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" ? Well, It's true!
      But wait! There's more!
      I've been invited as a "special musical guest" at a brunch for the church leadership/staff on Saturday, September 11th. It's apparently pretty important, and it's on the beach! I'm going to lead worship for about 20-30 minutes and then I'll be playing background music as they carry on and scarf down victuals, as it were. Please keep this date in prayer! I get realllllllly nervous when I sing in Spanish--and I'll be leading worship for a worship team. But you know what? We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. And if my God can put His words in the mouth of a lady at my church, and provide for me financially through a friend in another country, then maybe--just maybe--he can help me out with my nerves too.
      Let us never forget to trust in the One who is worthy of all out devotion! Believe me. I am speaking from experience when I tell you that if you are seeking God, he will take care of the rest. We do not need to waste mental energy agonizing over the details. Instead, save that mental energy to think about Him and trust in His faithfulness.


"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Photo Blog {attempt number one...}

In the midst of our ever-savvy and technologically prideful generation, I took it upon myself to try to put pictures on my blog page. And let me tell you, that was a NO-GO. So I've got a link on this blog that will take you to a photo album on my Facebook page. There's just no way to really convey what a "breakfast feeding program" is until you see it. The basic info you need to know: Haidet (my roommate) and I go every Wednesday and Friday to support a local feeding program that serves anywhere from forty to one hundred children on their way to school. Many of these children would have to go to school on an empty stomach if it weren't for the Herculean effort put forth by the women working in the program. The snapshots you see only capture part of the essence of what they do. Before the kids get food, they have a time of worship and a devotional (soon to be led by Haidet and I on our days there). Obviously, there are children that take advantage of the program and use it just for the food. Of course they would--Haidet and I made some bomb pancakes. But the fact is, if just one of these kids decides to give their heart to Christ then the entire program is worth its hardships. Without question.

So, enjoy the pictures already!
CLICK FOR PICTURES!


"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Endings and beginnings...

 Wow. I can't believe it's been over a month since I last published a blog...
         And it was a pathetic one at that! To be fair, I've been realllllllly busy this summer. The thing is, in the last month I was just starting to realize how precious my friendships were that were forming among the other YUGO interns. That said, once I finally had some free time at night or maybe on the weekends, I chose to spend time with them. Hah... so take that, angry readers! It really is hard to believe that so many dear friends have already come and gone. Obviously, they'll always be with me in one sense--but let's face it, the phrase "out of sight, out of mind" exists for a reason. Even my adopted brother Thomas leaves on Tuesday! There are so many things I wish I could show you all. I wish I could drag you by the hand to the places where I've helped build houses, introduce you to "my kids" over in Colonia Oaxaca where I've helped on so many VBS teams. But I can't. It's hard for me to comprehend the real distance between my life in Oregon and my life in Mexico. In my heart, it's like you're all here with me, experiencing the same things I am. Of course you know who Jesus and David (sweetest little boys EVER) are! Of course you heard about the time Maddie and I sang "Lean on Me" to Alejandro at the top of our lungs! Of course you know who Melody is! Of course you have the inside scoop on "Codename: Chimichonga"! How you not?! But there it is. The infinite chasm of distance between me and you rears its ugly head. I get so frustrated calling home sometimes because I'll just want to tell a quick story that was funny to me from that day, but by the time the person picks up the phone I realize that it'll take an hour's worth of explaining to make them see the humor in the situation. Perhaps I've had to much time to myself this week. But it's really dawning on me that I'm here. And you're there. And so we find ourselves. In a sense separated by space (although not by time because, thank God, we're all on West Coast time...), this is your new relationship to me. I don't like it either. But that's what we've got. So I'm gonna try really hard to keep this blog updated. But please know that if I'm too tired, or too busy. It doesn't mean I'm not doing anything or I don't want to talk to you all. I can't tell you how much of a difference it makes when I get a second to check my Facebook and I see that someone has left me an encouraging message or something. I seriously don't always have time to write back, but those words can be like a lifeline here.
          There's this big word out there called "Purpose." Perhaps you've heard of it. It's like, that thing that's supposed to smack you upside of the head and declare to you a kind of schedule that will forever dictate your life--on its terms--until you have achieved some preset goal to some satisfactory point held by some person way off, in the sky, who does important things from time to time. Let's all take a moment on this word. Can we please set it on fire or something? It finally dawned on me last night that American culture is waaaaay too obsessed with this seven-letter word. I am too obsessed with this word. Growing up in a world where 5-year plans are held alongside giving alms to the poor and mortgage plans are considered a right of passage, I have really struggled with my "plan" here. Let's face it. I don't have one. Holding on to Scripture verses doesn't always feel as important or as real as a, say, job offer with "security". But God does not call us based on feeling or emotion. He calls us based on Himself and His faithfulness. God is the only Purpose the universe ever had, or ever will for that matter. All the time we spend trying to find our "purpose" could be adequately termed the time we spend trying to evade God. Because God is his Will. He doesn't have some kind of grand plan hidden out past Mars that we need to find. In and of Himself, He is everything He has ever or will ever purposed, planned, or promised. Period. To live in pursuit of God is to already be living one's purpose!
       Which brings me back to those e-mails some of you have faithfully sent me. I confess. I got dragged back into the pursuit of "Purpose"--that all-American god of pulling oneself up by the bootstrap to live. My Bachelor's Degree arrived at my house in the mail and my parents sent me a picture of it. Then, it happened. I began to question whether or not I was really "using" what God has "given me" in the best way. I began to feel this distance that I just described to you and suddenly home felt as far away as Antarctica. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night thinking I was back at home. But I wasn't. Luckily, God never leaves his kids alone. Thank goodness that God put honest people in the Bible.
      The Lord was really speaking to me last night about Paul. Let's transpose him to a modern-day Christian scholar. Do you realize that if Saul had lived during today's world, he would probably be Dean of some major Christian university on the East Coast, making bank and generally being awesome? He might even be invited to give some very important "inspirational" talks at the White House from time to time. Seriously! He was the rock star of his world. He had every sense of "purpose" that the Jewish culture could come up with. But you know what? He gave it all up. And he would probably be the equivalent of a Doctor of Theology in today's world. Can you imagine turning in a lifetime of study to make tents in some God-forsaken fishing town where the most intelligent conversation you can have would be about the proper way to clean the underside of one's boat? I'm being serious right now. Think about university professors. They're not exactly the kind that can shut their brains off. Someone accustomed to intense theological debate, passionate speeches, and having the final say in all matters of importance is now going to take orders from a simpleton in a small town who owns a tent making workshop? Good grief, man! And that's only the beginning! Do you realize that Paul never read the New Testament? I mean, obviously we know that he wrote most of it. But he didn't know that. He never got to see the real way in which God was using him. Yet he himself counted everything as joy. I mean, everything. I can't imagine the humility of an intellectual giant like Paul submitting himself in every way possible to a God he'd really only just met. So where does that leave me?
        I'm no Paul. I don't posses one ounce of his abilities, so the comparison is absurd in the first place. But my prayer is that God would transform my heart so that I to could say that I "count it all as rubbish" for the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I don't know why God called me to go to the UO right now. I don't know all things. And I never will. But the fact of the matter is that God does. He knows me better than I know myself. And I don't worship a God who dangles dreams, passions, and hopes in front of you only to snatch them away and laugh in your face. Paul's intellect is what made him arguably the most effective missionary in the history of the world. But to outside eyes, he would seem to be a "dropout" or something. I believe that God has put passions and yearnings in my heart. But I also believe that to trust God is to trust in His timing. So maybe it's not my time right now to do "everything" I can--whatever that means! But God is already starting to use me in ways that I hadn't planned on. I believe that God is realllllllllly confirming in my heart the call to lead worship. I had the great privilege of helping at YUGO by leading worship every once in a while. And let's just say that God has made it very clear that he's not finished with me as a worship leader. I was ready to let that dream go. But thanks be to God for reminding us all the time of his love and purpose!
        So, having just written my doctoral thesis on why I have no idea what I'm doing with my life... let me tell you what God IS doing with me right now. In a totally supernatural way that still blows my mind, he brought me to a missionary family right here in Chapultepec (same neighborhood as YUGO) and I'm living with them for the time being as an intern. But this time, I'll be getting really hands-on in ministry. These people--Randy and Sandy Huebert and their kids--have all kinds of different ministries here. They work in the migrant camps with things like feeding programs, they're connected with a ministry that works with victims of human trafficking, and they have a huge vision for working in and/or directing children's homes and orphanages. That's another story, but it's safe to say that it's a match made in Heaven--no pun intended! Sandy worked as a teacher in Canada before coming here, so her and I have all kinds of secret awesome plans for English lessons or cool things like that. Randy leads construction projects here and there when groups come to stay with them (like, last week they built a church!!!). I'm still just getting to know them, and they probably think I'm an awkward freak... but oh well. Their daughter Laurisa reminds me a lot of myself. I love her sarcasm! The way their house--thing--is set up, the first story is where Randy's parents live when they're here (like half the year-ish?), the second story is their house, and then there's a semi-attached building with an apartment on the 2nd story--my place! It's suuuuuuuch a nice place. I put pictures of it up on my Facebook if you haven't seen them yet. I'll be helping the Hueberts in a million different ways--perfect, in my opinion, because it'll never be boring--and they have been asking my about my ideas for ministry here. *Shouts of glee*
       God's been putting a lot of ideas on my heart that will need a lot more prayer, but let's just say that there really are doors opening for me here even if I can't see or feel it. I am actually going into one of the migrant camps to help Sandy give out school supplies to children to they can go to class on the first day of school. (I promise to try my hardest not to cry). I can't even begin to imagine how God chose me to be here. It's an unspeakable privilege, even if it is hard at times or I feel to small to do it. I'll definitely be updating my blog more often now that I know I'm in for the long haul in Mexico. Who knows? Maybe God has a Mexicano in mind for me here... tee hee! Hahah don't listen to that last sentence. I have no idea how the whole financial situation is going to work out down here, but God hasn't yet failed me.
          I feel like I'm on a roller coaster right now. It's that moment where you've been slowly heading upward, feeling almost bored. Then you get to the highest point, and there's a split second where you know that a deep, intense plunge is coming and you're about ready to jump out of the car. But somehow, you trust that the engineers actually knew what they were doing when they built the dumb thing so you just throw up your hands and scream. I say, bring it on, God!
         Like the prophet said, "Here I am, send me!"

Alyssa out.


     


"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Ramblings on friendship...

Good grief!

      It's been a while since I last wrote a blog. Sorry, everyone! To say that I've been too busy would be both an understatement, a lie, and somewhat of a cop out. I did put pictures up on Facebook, so I hope that gets me out of trouble somewhat?  
      I heard from my parents that I did indeed graduate from college and in fact my degree arrived (should be coming? not sure)! So that's good. Also, I turned 21! Not to worry, though. I didn't go drinking. But I have to say, I was so amazed at the way people here poured out love on my birthday. I was honestly kind of expecting the day to suck. I mean, not that anything is wrong with the people here. I just didn't imagine that anyone would really go out of their way here. Why bother? Much to my surprise, what happened was quite the reverse. I had told a few people about my "dream" of going to a bar on my 21st to order chocolate milk. In my mind, it's wickedly funny. So at 12:00 am (literally), my friend Emily woke me up with chocolate milk in hand! It was probably one of the most thoughtful things... ever. She's only known me a couple of weeks, but she set her alarm to wake her up just to bring me chocolate milk. And another lady here on staff made me a birthday cake--the sprinkle kind! I was really taken aback by it all. Not that people aren't nice to me at home--at all! It's just... I love the way that people here mean business when they say they're your friend. In many ways I'm not used to the kind of attention I get here. People seriously go out of their way to help. Whether I've needed someone to talk to, or someone to cover for me in the cafe for a minute while I have to do something, or even just helping out on KP, I'm never short of people willing to be there. I feel so truly blessed. I almost don't know what to do with myself at times. I love my friends here.
     Now this isn't to say that I haven't had some hard times here. (All my peeps "in the know" can give a guffaw at this point.) But I can truly say that here in Ensenada I have felt at peace since the second I set down my suitcase. Between helping out on worship with Rho, goofing off in the kitchen with Alex, or "special special time" in the afternoon cafe with Thomas, I have felt right at home wherever I've been. I know I won't be an intern forever, but for all the work that goes with it, I can't believe how much fun it is. I almost don't want to sleep for fear that I'll miss out on something.
     This blog may seem rambling right now, but I was serious when I said I didn't wanna sleep. I'm a bit deprived at the moment. I have just been reflecting a lot lately on the blessing of friendship. I miss my friends at home dearly, but I am so thankful for the friends I've been given here as well.

A few closing notes...
*please be praying for an open door to stay here in Ensenada as August draws closer and closer

*my cell phone is back up and operational (THANKS, ASAF!!!!). So you'll actually be able to call me now... if you don't have my number.. it probably means I don't want you to. hah!






"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Mountains, dogs, and sunburns... Oh my!

 Hellooooooooooooo!

Brief brief summary of this past week: I "helped" build a house for a super cool family of four, working with a team of Virginia peeps! I was working with Ricardo, who is hilarious and has the greatest phrases ever such as "Check-a da side beautiful. Paint that one" and "No worries!" (even when someone does something like cut our last 2x4 a few inches too short... hee). That was fun. But then on our last day he took a "short cut" over a mountain to get to another YUGO house site... let's just say the way down was a bit steep. I was gripping the sides of my seat with white knuckles, nearly wetting my pants, and Ricardo in his always-calm manner said simply, "So wait, why are you afraid right now?" Haha! Um... I am bad at construction. It was kind of a debacle...  Worse at interpreting... I may be partially deaf. I blame Matt Grubb for blaring music on too many youth trips. Kidding! Ohh.. Matt... But! I am okay at kitchen duties. It's almost like I've washed pots and pans before!

Alright. I may just have the energy to finish discussing my peeps here. Except I'm beginning to realize that there are about 6.785 million of them and I'll never have time. Just a few more....

Melody! This is the one that picked me up at the airport in San Diego. We have been talking on Facebook since last year (because we are BFFs like that?) and it almost feels like I never left! Literally, we picked up talking about our last FB conversation! Nerds? Perhaps. At any rate, she has the most wonderful ability to read my mind. It's not everyday that I can give someone the "Alyssa" look and they understand. She just knows. I think she's been drinking the Mexico water and it gives her secret powers or something. As the locals here say, she's bien CHIDO!

Speaking of chido... So there's another guy who works here who is nick-named "Chino" (according to him it's because his eyes look slightly Asian-ish... I find it amusing that he goes along with it). So anyway, when I kept hearing people saying "chido" about everything, I thought they were saying "Chino" and I thought to myself, Good grief! Why is everyone talking about Chino all the time? He must be pretty stinking popular! But indeed, they were just saying "chido," which means cool. I mean, don't get me wrong... Chino is pretty chido, but sometimes things are just chido and have nothing to do with Chino. Comprendes?

I think I'm going to have to stop describing people in every posts because I'm just going to run out of space.

At any rate, I need to tell you all about my ASSIGNMENT for next week! (drum roll, please...) I get to work in an orphanage with Roberto!!! Good grief I haven't told you guys anything about Roberto! Okay, he's chido too. But he's not Chino. We will be going with one of the teams coming in next week to an orphanage that's about 45 minutes away. That is exactly what I was hoping to do here! I promise to be better about snapping some pictures here and there, but I honestly get so caught up in the moment that I forget to take pictures... But it should be a better week because, let's face it, I suck at hammering. I think Ricardo almost fell off the roof he was laughing so hard. Hater. But next week will be different!

Also... ALSO!! I have had the amazing opportunity to lead worship here a couple of times. Not bad for my first week, right?! It's been a little difficult because something's wrong with my voice. It doesn't really hurt, per se, but it is kind of missing. Like, I can only sing really low. So everyone's been telling me, "Oh we just love your voice! It's so unique and low!" I've been just nodding and smiling. It cracks me up--I think I sound like a dying water buffalo (I believe I discussed this in a previous post) but as long as people can worship God, then I say sing on water buffalo!

What else... I feel like I need to give everyone a play-by-play here. Well, I've been working in the like snack shop/coffee spot here around camp. This is hilarious to me because I can remember frantically driving around Eugene, poorly-written resume in hand, trying to get a job at a coffee shop. I think I tried at every single coffee shop in Eugene. But instead God opened doors for me to work in the hospital kitchen. And now I'm working in a coffee shop!! I seriously love God's timing. I'm not making espresso drinks or anything fancy like that, just brewing coffee and talking to people. It's probably one of my favorite chores. I get to hang out with people! And I don't have to sell them anything like when I worked retail. Well, okay they can buy candy or whatever but I don't exactly have Skittles quotas. At least none of which I am aware...

I honestly cannot wait for Monday. I get to be with my little Mexican peeps all week! Those kids WILL love me... or else. Haha! The funny thing is I have yet to really feel like a "missionary" yet. I almost feel like I'm the one being evangelized here right now--these people are crazy on fire for Jesus. Every single one of them is absolutely living the faith that they proclaim. It's awesome. If I had hoped to learn how to be a missionary, I feel like I'm in the right place. Take for example our "staff meeting"  yesterday. We spent the whole first half sitting in a circle, taking turns sharing how someone in particular had blessed us over the past week. Cool? You bet your sweet patoot it was! Then we discussed who was doing what in the coming week, got our chore assignments, and ate dinner. There is such a sense of community here. I can't even explain it. But I'm digging it.

Well... I've written a novel already, and I feel like I'm becoming excessively verbose in my blogs. So, basically... HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!


"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

First thoughts and then some...

 Helloooooo!

So, this update is going to be brief and shallow... sorry guys! I arrived here at camp Friday night, bought some yum-licious tacos and then slept.... a lot. Saturday is our free day, so after a quick and painless orientation I had the whole day to do whatever! I played my guitar for a while, but I'm losing my voice so I kind of sounded like the love child of Bob Dylan and a dying water buffalo... oh well. I'm posting a video up of the camp where I'm staying so you will all have a visual to go with what I describe in later posts. Honestly, I don't have a whole lot more I can report at this point other than I LOVE my peeps here. Seriously. I have so many friends now! Gosh dang it, I feel popular. I will be working this week with a team on a construction project--so I'll really get down to business starting Monday. I cannot wait. I was studying Joshua this morning (yes, in an attempt to recover my voice I slept in and missed church...) to take in how he managed to follow someone like Moses. I feel like I've got a big task in front of me and I need to be prepared! At any rate... I promise to talk more about deeper issues later on, but I just wanted to make sure you guys don't feel neglected.

One brief comment about my peeps! I have to give you all a quick rundown of some of my friends whose names you'll need to know for later posts...

Emily: I met her on Friday, but we had been e-mailing prior to summer. She's super goofy and amazing and I'm so happy she's here. I feel like she'll get my humor. She totally reminds me of my brother David. And anyone who knows me knows that's a BIG complement. :)

Thomas: He's another intern here, and he's from OREGON! How exciting is that? He's really tall... and I like to make fun of him because I always catch him in the same spot, playing his computer. I need to get to know him more, but as I've been a sleeping bum lately, it's been kind of hard. hah! I feel like he has a witty sense of humor... I shall investigate this and report back to you.

Sandy: She's kind of like an intern/staff hybrid and super cool. She claims not to speak English but I've heard her and she sounds really good. hah! I can't wait to get to know her more because she seems very nice and has really great hair. This is a plus. Also, she's got this like quiet, mysterious cool girl vibe. I sound like a stalker right now. I'm going to switch subjects...

Anahi: Sandy's sister! Super quiet.. I haven't really gotten to talk to her yet. She loves to laugh, though... and I think that means she's cool

Good grief I could go on and on but I need to go right now... So we'll call this list incomplete but soon to be lengthened after further study!!!

"another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

one more thing!

..."another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

Here's the video link for my mission promo. The quality is atrocious (YouTube eats my soul), but you'll get the message. Enjoy!

 

the first of many more (hopefully)

..."another fine bit of writing brought to you by yours truly"

      Hey everyone! I'm just getting started with this profile page. Everything is likely to change. Or, is it rather that nothing will change but I'll figure out what on earth I'm doing? The reason I started this blog was to make sure that I keep everyone posted on my mission trip to Ensenada, Mexico. I make no promises whatsoever about exact times or with what frequency I shall post, but I do want everyone to know that I will do my very best to keep you up to date. I wish I could shove everyone in my luggage and bring you with me, but let's face it: the airlines charge by the pound. (guffaw...)  
     In short, I plan to use this page to share my heart as I labor in Mexico so that no one feels left behind in fair Oregon. With just about a month before I leave, I figured I should get the page going so I can work any bugs out before I have a technical meltdown on site!
     My blogs in the future, I assure you, shall be much more eloquent than this infantile nonsense I've just put you through. tee hee.